Girl with a bird

Am I watching Sex and the City?

Its happening all over again.

A piece of my art called "Great Expectations" will be used in issue 10 of Noo Journal.

Probably wont ever get a Visa.

Maybe Chomsky would forge me a visa.

Small naked man

Last night at Georges in the countryside.

Lovely.

Nice.

Good.

People stripped naked.

Fun.

We are now running on GoogleChrome

both internet explorer and firefox failed to fend off a virus.

Now firefox just offers me a "high school orgy"

and Internet explorer helps me choose a "tulsa home"

New manuscript going well.

I entered a portion of it into the Lamination Colony/Blake Butler contest thing.

It looks bitchen.

The prizes are good

and entry is free.

GO ENTER.

Feel like my head is a hyperlink for you to fall in on yourself.

Feel like GoogleChrome is a polite Taiwanese host mother.

Feel like Fences is going to be fun.

If anyone in England wants to go camping when it comes out, that would be fun, maybe.

Read Brandon Book Crisis:

-Bits were funny

-Bits were "why am i reading about people talking about font sizes or colours or something?"

-Didnt like the bit about Shane Jones. Bit of "bitching" not "bitchen". Tao Lin says "it was not serious" so I guess thats ok. I found it funny until I thought it was serious. Now its not serious its funny again.

(should have entered the BSG contest for legitimate involvement in drama)

Giles already had "A Russian Affair" so I am sending him "The Human War" along with a copy of Fences (whenever it comes out).

Matthew Savoca sent me the full manuscript for "long love poem", an excerpt of which was put out by ML Press under the title "Altruism". I got sent Altruism the other day and thought it was very lovely. I liked it a lot. I will "get stuck in" to this soon.

I read Chris Easts poems too called "If I killed you so what". He will email them to you if you want. I urge you to do that. They are brilliant.

Feeling fine.

People who are better than me

Yesterday we went camping.
There was a river.
Naked swimming was done in the river.

On Fences: Just got the thumbs up to use the picture we want from the polish photographer who took it.

Contest on HTML Giant:
Had to talk shit about a star and make Vonnegut better.
It was fun.
Ben Blum won.
Well done Ben Blum.
I would like to do an honourable mention for Crispin Best who "blasted" da thaang. My favourite of his was:
hello. pleased to meet you. oh. you’ve ejaculated in my eye. right. thanks:

Watching an online bingo advert; women talking about how they are an "online family";
"Think-Bingo is full of women like me, who think that Bingo is Brill", that makes me do grumbling. Bingo is well shit. "Especially" online (probably").

Work on the new book is going well but I still want to write a book with no humans or animals in and I have no idea how to start. Maybe a deserted strip club. Maybe the center of the earth.

Can I capture "human" without writing about them?

xTx is a bruise on my eye.
Crispin Best is an angel.

I wish I could make the font so small that I could say "morris dancers are cunts" and nobody would complain.
Oh god.
Oh god.
Oh god.

Good job Giles

Its 23:12
but no-body else will enter
this blog is a steel buoy
nowhere.

YOU ARE A WINNER GILES
how does it feel?

This was Giles' sentence:
'Cross nun, Ian String, forgot paedo training and got "fudge-gunned."'

I like how it flows. I like how the author doesnt tell us too much about "Ian String". I like the words "fudge-gunned", I like how he is in on how paedos are "made".

So Giles Ruffer,
please email your address to brooksben@hotmail.co.uk
and have a nice day.

To the three non-winners
I really liked yours too
out of the 4 entries
there wasnt 1 I didnt like.
It was a hard hard choice to make
taking several hours.

So thankyou to:
xTx
Dan Venn
John Trevaskis

I love you all equally.

YES I DO.

This is how it started and this is how it will end

New thing up on dogzplot:

HERE

I read that it to some old people at creative writing and they said nothing.
Nothing.

"Dear Bear" is going well. I might change the title. Page 12. Good work. Good good work. I am patting myself on the back with my foot.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX said some lovely things about Fences.

I want to give a copy to the primeminister after it gets printed.
I will say

"give it up bro"

and thrust it into his chubby hands.

I am in the shed and it is cold and I am going to stop the competition in 2 hours because American time is not my time is not Chico time is not singapore smiling loosely at a naked argonaut.

Good turnout huh?

Fuck you Chekhov.
Is that what you are saying?

Dead Russians rise to shoot their.........................................wives
drinking bleach
on Czech backseats.

I am happy for you all.

and this evening?
I cant do shit.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.

Has plastic moulded this and you and this and you and this and you and


EVERYTHING?


I can hear tomorrow.
It sounds like a prostitue
sleeping under a red light.


I am a dead bird in the palms of a small child.

The sun is hot gas

I have written more of Dear Bear. Chapter 4 is finished.

The official date for "Fences" is January 2010 though it will likely be out before then.
Shane Jones' Failure Six is also out in "January".

Ravi Mangla has a really great new blog called Recommended Reading where he talks to writers about which books they like, which books they use to make people like them, which books they have stolen (though it is phrased "borrowed and never returned") and which books they are anticipating.

Matt Bell listed "The Bus Driver Who Wanted to be God" in his recommended reading.

Benjamin Percy talked about how great (and neglected) notes from underground is.

Kevin Wilson talked about how great Chekhov is. So scroll down and enter.

Kained but Abel.

I just got my contributor copies of Succour.

It looks really cool.

Its published like an art book or something.

I re-read my story "Garden Time" and felt embaressed.

I wish I could re-write it.

This always happens;

except with "Fences"

I re-read Fences last night and still liked it a lot.



The Fugue State website has been update with Fences listed.



I said I would do a word game.

I used to love this one.

Ok

so

you have to make as many words as possible and organise them into a sentence using the letters in....



PEDESTRIAN CROSSING FUN FUN FUN



words must be at least 3 letters long.

You can only use each letter as many times as you want.

The sentence neednt make much sense.

The best sentence will win.

Define "Best";

Best will be the one I like most.



I feel like there should be a prize.

People wont play without a prize.



The prize will be "A Russian Affair" by Chekhov

which is a bunch of stories.



No I didnt just look left and see that.



The competition will close on at midnight on sunday.

Ha

Good

Everyone enter.



I just finished reading The Failure Six by Shane Jones

and its a really clever book full of themes and symbols and fucked up characters.

Its like an entire new world.

The illustrations are also really cool.

Im excited about getting it in an actual book form come January.



Shane said something nice about Fences on his blog.

He said it was "crazy and full of heart".

That was nice of him.



Im getting more and more excited about Fences.

I am working (slowly) on the new book also.

Fences was written in a week.

I think that "Dear Bear, these planes will not collide" may take like 4 months or something.



Last night I drew over the face of a Geisha.

1490

I have written the story for the year "1490" on Crispin Bests "for every year".
I think someone needs to write 1489 first.

Fences is going well. It is being proofread and covers are being thrown around.
I am really excited.

I am having a short play called "Alienation" published in Gemini magazine in July.

I feel guilty because this post is so dull.

I will do a more fun post tomorrow.

There will be a wordsearch or some other word game.

Fences Fences Fences

I am a very happy person.
My book "Fences" is going to be published by Fugue State Press.
Fugue State are amazing.
They publish amazing things.
They are also currently putting out "The Failure Six" by Shane Jones.
You can read an extract from The Failure Six here.
I would link to Shane Jones but he recently deleted his blog.
Right when I thought I might've won a copy of light boxes...
I still need people to review/blurb it.
If anyone wants to you can email me at brooksben@hotmail.co.uk
really anyone
anyone;
you.
I am excited.
James Chapman is a very nice man.
His name is not hyperlinked because he does not have a blog either.
I wish he did.
It would be a good blog.
Everyone in the world should hold hands and sing.

I just want everyone to be happy

I am sorry for being serious.

I wish I could have done the art for Go Ninja Go Ninja Go by Crispin Best:

It is funny.

My favourite one is Donatello.

I have recently completed a major new work called "Japan is where its at bro". The piece took 4 men, 18 hours to complete.

The piece features 3 Japanese spirits attempting to replicate western culture through casual sex or "asobi seksu" as the Japanese say.

MC Hammer

I feel I want to be "serious" because it is early in the morning and also the BNP make me want to buy an island and live on it alone; growing vegetables and living naked.
A lot of people are talking shit about how the BNP are going to maybe get a seat/seats in the european parliament. People think this will happen because there is a proportional system for election into the european parliament as opposed to the majoritarian system used for UK general elections. The BNP need 8% of the vote to gain a seat. People could maybe vote BNP because they are fucked off at the major parliamentary parties for spending our taxes on porn, chandeliers and heli-pads. I dont feel like the BNP are a "good" solution. I feel like Nick Griffin is not a "good" man. A lot of old people are going to vote BNP. A lot of people are saying "the country is overrun with illegal immigrants" and saying that the BNP will "stand up for British rights". If people keep believing crap like that ten we will really be fucked. Like really fucked. Nick Griffin DID deny the Holocaust. Some people are attacking the BNP, possibly not in the most productive way. For example, one man threw a hammer at a BNP counsellor. I would rather have "Webcameron" trying to look like he cares about expenses than Griffin filling oil tankers with the corpses of non-whites. People are disillusioned. Fuck. Just vote Green or something. A man just said that Griffin had made the BNP "electable". Everyone is stupid. I feel that the "threat" to Britain from the BNP MAY be a media construct. They may not win any seats in European Parliament. This may all be a lie. I dont know. I just feel slightly worried. If the BNP win something I will make a bomb.

Blah in a time of Blah

I have a new "mother" figure.
She is very very old.
You have to say things real loud
or she will just mumble "What the fuck"
and wet herself.
You can find her here.
She wrote a story here.
I liked the story.
The story was good.
The story theme was 1487.
Crispin Best is finding a story for every year from 1400 till now.
Thats why the theme is so "limiting".
My email address has just been posted on the aformentioned blog.
Paedophiles please note:
-I am not 14
-I do not do "free trial"
-You get what you pay for

Everybody here is a cloud

Im bored.
Molly Gaudry made a poem using other peoples blog post titles.
I dont know how long that took.
It was worth it.
I dont know how you would go about doing that.
Seems like a big task.
Read it here.

Psychology:
I am looking at two pygmy chimpanzees.
A criticism of the study is "couldnt differentiate between cola and Dr Pepper, even after tasting"

Cloud cult are good.

Sad and Tired Animals

Please, anyone, send me an email.
My inbox tab looks like this: Inbox
I would like it to look like this: Inbox (425)
When it doesnt I feel like I am the last person left alive.
But im probably not so:
brooksben@hotmail.co.uk

The Mayans (thankyou Ryan Manning) said the world would end in 2012 (thankyou Andrew Key) and it probably will.
My exam candidate number is 3010.
Take it and do fraud please.
Our centre number is 57143.
Dope.

Went to creative writing yesterday.
Me, dan and 6 70+ women.
The 70+ women said things like
"when you get old you become invisible"
"sometimes I push people so im not invisible"
"everything changes when you get old"
"people liked Philip at the time"

It didnt feel creative. It felt like old people therapy.

BYZANTINE.

I have started a series of painting called "Sad and Tired Animals".

I am also working on a novel called "Dear Bear, these planes will not collide"

Its set in 1950's Japan.

Dope.


Succour is out now so go and buy it here.
Im in it.
I am doing a reading in London at the end of july as part of this.

Flight of the conchords isnt funny at all.

14:04 - "The Physiological Perspective"

All art is good

So Im going to do an online blogpost exhibition of my art.

Entrance will be free and no works will be available to buy.

I will accompany each piece with some sort of "explanation".

Here goes:

This piece is called "crying alien". I feel like the alien is crying because it came to earth and felt "let down" in some way. It felt like humans had let down existence. "Humans are idiots" the crying alien is thinking, "and they are beyond help".

This piece is called "Me, when things dont turn out how they should". My body looks funny because I have psychosomatic illness. This means my physical retardation has no real cause. I just got retarded because i felt things werent turning out how they should.

This piece is called "Mindfuck on the grass because Samuel L Jackson doesnt love you". It is about what unrequited love can do to people. It can make their heads explode.

This piece is called "she would not get an abortion". It is a man who looks sad and serious because his wife would not get an abortion and he doesnt trust himself to father children as he fantasised about dressing them up as clowns or doctors and take pictures of them.

This piece is called "all women should look like you". It is about how all women should be very thin and "up for it". If women do not fit this ideal then I will not have sex with them and also push them in the street and try to make it look like it was someone else.

All art is good.

If you want these works of art, you can probably have them.

Things I will do tomorrow

-Use popular social networking websites to converse with everyone in the world and then rank them in order of how much I like them and then propose to the one at the top of the list and block the one on the bottom of the list.

-Go on Britains got talent. Stand on the stage and say "life is pointless" and then jump onto the judges and claw at their faces.

-Go to a petrol station and spray people who are filling up their cars with diesel from the pumps. Say "oil costs lives" and chase them with the hose.

-Try to get the feeling of "kissing" using only food.

On Covert Benefaction in Great Expectations

In Great Expectations people indulge in covert benefaction very often: they hide who they are so that they can give money to other people. Philanthropy. Critics often comment on how well this illustrates the way in which money obscures love and builds barriers between the various retarded characters in the book.

This is very definitely not true.

Such secretive relations between characters were simply a feature of serialised literature at the time. It was important to construct a complex network of characters so as to "tie up loose ends" in later installments of the book, keeping Victorians "hooked" and stuff. Dickens does this a lot. He does it so much that the book becomes "stupid". Almost. Elements of the book are disgustingly "commercial". For example, Magwitch returns to the narrative strand and tries to kill Pip for no real reason. This is clearly done simply to excite idiot victorians. It is a way of making money. The book was written for money. Great expectations is like The Kite Runner or something.

Besides the commercial benefit from covert benefaction, there is no real place for it here. By place I am meaning need. Need. None of the benefaction NEED be covert. This is why I do not find it satisfactory to claim that it illustrates the divide that money draws between characters. The characters draw the divide, not the money. Donations could be openly declared; what would the result be? A less thrilling plot. Thats all. Money does not obscure the expression of love, Dickens does.

Money obscures any real sort of plot because the entire book is written with money in mind.

Aside from this, i cannot quite understand why cover benefaction shows love being obscured... It is still benefaction. Perhaps it is the most pure love. Magwitch loves Pip; he knows Pip will not accept the money if he knows where it is coming from and so he conceals his identity. Where is love hiding here? Love shouldnt really mean openly announcing financial aid. Thats stupid. Dickens is stupid. Sometimes Dickens ridicules Utilitarianism. Like in Hard Times. In fact, Utilitarianism is the natural tendency for humans when making decisions; though it is Utilitarianism within a family circle i.e greatest good for greatest number of family members/close friends/lovers/casual sex partners. This is always the case. It can never not be the case. You can never fully understand repercussions.

I also do not like Great Expectations because the main character is stupid and the love portrayed in it is stupid and all of the endings for it are stupid.

In one ending Pip and Estella meet at the ruins of Satis House and fall in love (inferred). That is ridiculous. The pair speak when they are children. They speak once a year. She says things like "you are coarse and poor" and he says things like "i dont want to be". In London he sits outside her house sometimes. They have more stupid conversations. They dont see each other for like 10 years and the instant they meet again her prejudices towards him vanish (apparently because she has changed) and they fall in love. "With no shadow of parting", that probably means marriage. How "ass".

I do like the book, I just dont really agree with a lot of it.

Marry me bro

I propose a return to feudalism.



Shotgun peasant.

Oppressed and free.



"Life is absurd. We are free. Be merry"
Thankyou Tom Hodgkinson.
Thankyou baby Jesus.

Myspace is for women.

Sometimes i get really bored.

Like really really bored.



So i was on myspace right

and this girl:




























Left this bulletin:


i took you off my profile
;)should of done it a long time ago
like a year and a half ago:/dick


and i thought that was stupid and she looked stupid but you shouldnt judge people
so to "test" this i replied:


No matter what a women looks like, if shes confident, shes sexy - Paris Hilton
Remember Paris' words girl.
Dont let boys get you down girl.
You are better than them girl.
Love you gorgeous x


but she almost definitely is stupid and replied:


awww that was a really amazing message
thank you babe
foreva:)x


I hate my generation.

I dont know, she doesnt looks so virginal this morning bro

xTx wins.

3 man parties are the next ipod.

Here it is so far:

The detectives wouldn’t believe he drank the entire bottle of Worcestershire sauce willingly no matter what we said.

We told them he was preparing for the end of the world, we told them it would be coming tomorrow.

The detectives told us to ‘go home and prepare for Armageddon then...assholes’, and proceeded to muscle us off the property.

To be continued at xTx

She's probably a virgin bro

Today in the library with Dan-Rhea and his flawless applemac.

Look at their stupid little faces. Autistic russian dolls in a playground.

I dont know what happened today. Not much. Last night I fell asleep watching "love actually" and woke up feeling sad and stupid because I fell asleep watching love actually and when I woke up all there was was a blue screen that said "this channel resumes air at 6:00". Damn.



I like the bit in "Love actually" where he says "I think we need kate and leo" and then they act out the scene from titanic where he holds her off the front of the shitting ship. I think its "sweet" and also "ass" at the same time.

Do the post below please.
Ill write a story about whoever does it.

Hint this.

Im not wholly sure how this works,
but Robert Smartwood wrote the first line of a story
and as part of this new "hint fiction" thang he asked people to write the next line.
I wrote one
and he picked mine as the "successor".

Now you can try to write the next line
and the one I like best I choose as the next line
and then they put it on their blog
and link back to here
inviting others to write the next line.

Here is the original post.

Here is the story so far:

The detectives wouldn’t believe he drank the entire bottle of Worcestershire sauce willingly no matter what we said.

We told them he was preparing for the end of the world, we told them it would be coming tomorrow.

Post the next line in the comments here
and Ill pick one in a few days.

Print shit up

Im excited and happy.
I am going to be in the Dogzplot flash fiction anthology,
also the read some words chapbook.

You can pre-order the first one here.

Other people that I like and are going to be in it:
Lydia Copeland
Molly Gaudry
Barry Graham
Mike Young
Sam Pink
Brandi Wells
XTX

Go and pre-order one now please.
I probably like the other people in it too, I just havent read them yet.

If we make porn I will be the nazi

I am not sure if I am "over-blogging".
Not sure if I care,
or if it matters.


The new manuscript is tumbling along nicely. The words are still different sizes and are in different places. I am on chapter 10.

The last line I wrote was:
"Watching God smile at the homosexuals in Novgorod"

It feels like this book is an extended pataphor for nothing.



Molly Gaudry wrote something about wanting to start a writers colony in a quaint old house, I want to go but the feels a lot like "jumping ship". I would also need a visa or something. I could probably make a visa. I got an A* in art. I could definitely do it. I dont have enough "confidence".

When you put words in "" it means you dont have to explain what they mean.

Some people have stepped up, I still want a cast for this play please.
I think it should be recorded on webcams.
Really badly.
All actors must be cloth-less or "naked".
All actors must be size zero or below,
thankyou.

I am the most "alienated" person here

I feel content.

Last night me, George and Oscar went to a party on a hill.
It was in a quarry.
We were promised a good time.
We did not have one.
It was a "hollow promise" or something.

At around 12 we decided to embark on the journey home.
The walk took around 2 hours.

At one point we stopped at a hotel and spoke to a hotel receptionist.
We did not stay at the hotel.
We went to the basement of the hotel and there were lots of old men listening to Jazz and George said "I actually hate everyone in this room" and I think that summed up our feelings well.

We got home and fell asleep and felt content.

In the morning Oscar left early and when me and George went down his mum was crying about the electricity bill. We wanted to help but we did not have £1000 or a new electricity meter. She swore at someone at the phone.

Oscars brother bought a nerf gun and painted it black.

Me and George had coffee and talked about how we hated everyone.

I got the bus back and felt "content".
It was 12:22 and I was alive
on a bus
with the windows open
and the grey sky floating in.

I have written the first scene of a play
"I am the most "alienated" person here"

Blah

I am a dot
and everything outside of me is stupid.

La Revolution(e)

Chris East did a post about the revolution we have begun, read it here

I feel the revolution means different things to all of us.

What is 'The Revolution'?

A select team of middle aged men doing live action role play in a particularly shitty area of Scotland.

What happens when 'The Revolution' comes?

The majority of men in the squad are unfamiliar with battle. For many it will be their first taste of blood (since sign up). They will not know what they are doing. It will be easy to avoid them.

How do I sign up for 'The Revolution'?

On one level I think Chris answered this fine.
On another I think "Dont call us, we'll call you".

What is the likely outcome of 'The Revolution'?

The revolution will dissolve all international borders and all governments. All "bad" feeling will dissolve and be replaced by "philanthropic lust". Everyone will do everything. All food will be free. There will be no money. Public transport will be free. Travellers will have to drive the public transport, because no-one will have jobs. Well, people will have jobs, there will just be no real motivation to turn up. There will be no motivation. No motivation to do anything. Like old men smoking marijuana. That is the general feeling everyone will have. "I feel like an old man smoking marijuana". There will in fact be no drugs. Drugs are bad. They can destroy entire civilisations..