bratislava you move like a ferret

nobody reads this blog anymore, not even me

i am going to fail several thousand people in several hundred ways

will you steal a car with me tomorrow morning
we can crash it somewhere
we can talk about how good the bonnet looks crumpled
we can bleed from our eyes and necks

i left london
im living with my nan
yesterday i was shaving
and she came into the bathroom and said
'that isnt how you do it'
and she took the shaver out of my hand
and rubbed it all over my face in circles

1.

She’s in the house when I get there she’s in the bathroom she’s pissing hard. The sound of her piss is a canal down the corridor I shouldn’t have come to this house I shouldn’t have come here. I always come to this house I always come here and I know I shouldn’t. I go to the bathroom and vomit on her head and it’s chasing down her cheeks but she wont leave that isn’t what she does it isn’t she’s going to stay here until I can arrive. I say that I’m going to telephone the actress she’s punching her own ears she cant hear.

2.

The actress hits the doorbell the actress is teary. Inside the house the actress she undresses the actress she has us press our skins together but she’s still in the bathroom she’s smashing things I can hear her very well. The actress tells me I am not hearing anything the actress tells me to lie on her. I try to make coffee and smoke a cigarette but the actress she pulls my head into her vagina she tells me to be grateful she tells me to stop trying to arrive in houses and start being glad I even have hands.

3.

I hit the actress over and over the actress bruises heavy the actress cant move I pull the duvet over her head I tell her be glad now. She’s in the bathroom I’m in the bathroom I tell her I’m leaving the house I tell her I’m going away she’s chewing china tiles because she isn’t there.

$£%£$£%£$£%£$£%£$£%£$£%£$£%£$£%£$£%£$£%£$£

pentagons, diagrams, all kinds of paper; rice, sugar, tracing
things like this
things you can put in your hands

nothing to do with anything at all

just sleep and then you can wake up and see how everything is exactly the same

okay okay we can lets go
jump the mattress up and bruise your scalp
dont go out today
you know it will make you sleepy

All starts are good and bright (damning reviews, masturbation, tea ceremony)

The first 'full' (I think) review of The Kasahara School of Nihilism has appeared.
Read it here if you want.
It is damning.
The woman that wrote it ghost writes YA novels.
She praises Murakami a lot in the review.
She talks maybe more about Murakami than about the book she is 'reviewing' (mine).

Here are some choice quotes about how awful the book is:

'not one of these characters managed to startle, perturb, or otherwise move me to the extent May Kasahara did in even a single scene of The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle.'

'Again and again, this fiction steps from its knife’s edge of plotline into total incomprehensibility.'

'The characters’ streams of consciousness sound like they were extracted after a heavy dosing of sodium amytal'

'deciphering this author’s motivations is beyond my limited powers of comprehension.'

That last one is my favourite maybe. It seems to mean 'i didnt get it at all. it was bad'.

Here is the single nice comment in the review:

'Even the repeat appearances of a god-like bear didn’t pique my curiosity enough to keep me turning the pages. Although the book lurches closest to humor and charm in this creature’s company (in one nice exchange, the teens’ schoolteacher, feeling insignificant, complains, “Sometimes I shrink into my own palm,” to which the bear commiserates, “Paw"), these moments arise out of such a jumbled context that the any poignant absurdity is lost. '

Anyway, review seemed good and disinterested and i enjoyed reading it. i made a cup of tea to drink to while reading it.

If reading this review has made you want to purchase the book then you can do so
from Fugue State Press
or from Amazon

I cannot go on hotmail from this computer. At the moment this computer is all I have. That is why I have not been able to reply to things. Will get on hotmail soon probably. my gmail is cernisdead at gmail.com anyway so yea.

Here is a paragraph from something I will submit probably to pop serial

' Once the penguins are gone Del Sparto carries slum back to the hide. He doesnt see Sprake, only Treblinka moving up caravan steps, pulling scabs off the undersides of her wings, then Gabriel Pope throwing crates down in the hide. He gives the bear a nod and goes out to the boneyard. Del Sparto's thinking that he doesnt want the Lizard to come tonight (she goes to Bullface some, and Bantam, rarely stays bedded with Sprake) and he's thinking can Lilico get out later. '

Seems random like that i guess. okay, have fun everyone

strawburry17 Die Antwoord day #3 hands in the shape of the forehead

i hope that from now on when i write 'you' on this blog you have severe doubts about whether the 'you' is you or is maybe some other 'you' who you know about or maybe dont

recently there have been very few things pushing me through completing this novel. one of these things has been die antwoord. sometimes i will say 'okay i am going to go and write my novel now' but i will just sit and watch die antwoord interviews and music videos and live things and do the dance to 'enter the ninja'.

die antwoord are from south africa. they 'zef' a lot. they say 'next level shit' a lot. here is a short introductory video.



all up on the interweb. i hope you are following and feeling great. david lynch is one of their biggest fans. he invited them to his house and things. here is another one of their songs. learn the dance.



good job. now, in an attempt to further alienate everyone who has every read this blog
i am going to do strawburry17 things again
no im not
not going to post any strawburry17 videos
thinking about die antwoord more
thinking about maybe once this is done i could just write a novel about die antwoord
could interview jack parow about zef
maybe will ask channel 4 for fifty thousand pounds to go and film a documentary of them
will make a fake cv saying
'i have made lots of documentaries'



feel intensely positive when i think of them during daily life.
the lovely and talented hermione hoby recently wrote an article about die antwoord for the guardian.

going to go and 'write my novel' now. goodbye.