ufsi daisy

good morning person. how is the world today. seems quiet. my arms have been heavy lately. sometimes they will get 'too heavy' midway through doing something and i will stop doing it. feel like this blogpost will be long/have lots of pictures in it. here is a picture that a kind human man took of copies of grow up in a 'hmv' (i think) in it i am hanging out with my pals brett and fran and hunter.

listening to 'dashboard confessional' right now. want to drink tea but dont want to make tea. halp. okay going to make tea. okay the kettle is boiling right now. not sure why i put this jumper on. it isnt cold. just 'seemed natural'. okay made tea.

some pictures from crossing border appeared. here is a picture of me reading before patrick wolf. hi people. people were very quiet and did laughing in the right places.

here is a 'backstage' pic. i hadnt slept and didnt want to be in any pics.

here is a picture of humans on the bus to antwerp. i was going to label it but now im not. if you look on the middle left you can see adam levin's bald head and i am sat one in front of him.

sorry for all the pictures. have i ruined everything. here is one more picture. it is of me talking to people in front of other people.

okay. 'enough of that'. just imagined a tv advert shown during a war where a woman takes something out of an oven and turns to a camera and says 'i crumble under pressure' then her/her family (minus the 'drafted' men) sit around a table and eat the 'apple crumble' with ice cream.

My friends call me ‘the grasshopper’ because this one time I crawled under my bed and rubbed my face against the carpet until my carpet burns were so severe that I passed out

Not really

My friends call me ‘blaze’ because this one time I was walking a dog and then I gave the dog away to a man because he looked said and I associate dogs with happiness even though they cant smile

Not really

My friends call me ‘gaystyles’ because this one time I spent 33 hours on the internet

Not really

My friends call me ‘one leg short of a chair’ because this one time I cried in the bath until the bath was overflowing and then I called a plumber and the plumber just told me ‘the problem is inside of your hart’

Not really

I only have ~ 3 friends and they mostly call me ‘ben’

I never really had a nickname except for when I was 10 and the girl I had flute lessons with called me ‘benjamin bunny’ sometimes

We’d always go back to our classroom to get our coats after flute and the classroom would be empty because school would be over and I’d say ‘let’s have sex’

One she said ‘fine’ and I just stared at her for a while and then left

here is the spanish version of grow up

breaking up that text baby. what a considerate guy. dw there is more eye candy to come. feel really hungry but feel like after I eat food I nearly always feel ‘emotionally drained’. feel like i get the same feeling after eating as i get after engaging in a mild to moderatelyserious argument. just thought 'shit i havent drunk my tea' then took a big gulp of it then felt 'overwhelmingly moronic' for a second. 

Pablo poveda came to stay for a couple of nights and we talked about writing books and luna Miguel and tao lin and jordan castro. On the first night I was tired from not sleeping. We met up at 1 and went to drink beers and then got a train home and drank more beers. I went to bed at like 7pm and slept for a long time. The next day I felt bad and I went and sat in my room and tried to work but just watched ‘book klub’ again and then felt less bad. Then we drank and stayed up and talked more and cooked and I felt better and it was good. Pablo’s ladyfriends from notting hill came over and I think one of them might have been wearing fur but im not sure. We played knuckles and I’ve got a few big scabs today. He had to wake up early this morning to catch his plane. Byebyepablo. Feel like the whole time I wanted to call him ‘pebbles’ but I didn’t really have ‘the balls’

here is the catalan version of grow up. when they sold catalan rights i said 'what's that' and so did my mum

in spain people wear kilts and wield red baseball bats seems like. should i try to take author photos where i am 'flipping the bird'. not sure. yelawolf said that when he got a picture with justin bieber he tried to 'flip the bird' but justin bieber's manager wouldnt let him. good try yela. 

Feel like it might be time to work out what my ‘brand’ is. I am pretty ‘all over the place’.  I wrote books where the words were different sizes and then I wrote a book about bored teenagers where the words were the same size. I gave some money away on twitter.  I shouted in some tinychats. I started blogging again. Would like people to think of me as ‘that guy who [defining characteristic of new brand]’. Maybe ‘that guy who writes about feet’. Or ‘the guy who cooks very well’. Or ‘that guy who invented [new way of writing]’.

nothing is going to happen again is it

hope everyone in the world is good

email me if you want to do guestblogs still

or if you want to be interview by me in my inimitable interviewing style

brooksben at hotmail dawt co dawt uk

nightnighthumans

guest post: sarah sahim (hallo human persan)

I have made this youtube playlist for you, please enjoy it and listen to it whilst reading this pointless post.

As a ‘yoof’ of today, I feel like I am losing touch with the world around me, I am already starting to feel too old for my time, not only in my mind is this reflected but I already have two fucking white hairs and Steve Buscemi's eyes if they were bigger and brown.

The cognitive repercussion of my physical ‘attributes’ is that I am ready to retire in Ireland, on my own, with a banjo, growing potatoes, getting drunk and manifesting my intoxicated, belligerent, misanthropic teenage self and this will be due to the fact that I have yet to achieve what I want despite being a 'tender yoof'.

I do not feel tender anymore, I feel like mutton.

it appears (according to some of the more yoof-slotted/savvy/whatever friends of mine) that everything that I point out as ironic is in fact, not ironic. For example, my Dad saw this driving school called ‘DIVA WHEELZ’ and I was cracking up with laughter, that’s ironic, right? The old biddy running it thought it was a fuckin’ brilltoast name in fact it’s cheesier than… an upper-middle class cheese board.

Apparently, I also see things ‘too differently’, another example of this ‘cryptic’ observational attitude of mine was my reaction to this dude I met and I think he’s called Carl but he just looks like a Carl and I don’t really know his name although he told me so let’s call him Carl, he has this crappy old Nokia phone that has a faux-gold plated rim and it’s so rad! I see it as a statement about society and all our flashy shit (and bling bling) and how we don’t need it to get shit done, as long as you have a sense of humour (as indicated by the flashiness of the rim) but apparently he doesn’t own the phone for that reason. It makes me sad that our generation don’t appreciate little, stupid perks of our meaningless lives and instead it takes a generic, idiotic, slapstick, whiney American multi-camera sitcom to make them flail all over facebook due to its cancellation after running for too many goddamn years (you got the fucking hint yet?)

Is it normal for a gal not to care about topshop and sluts r us?

Why does everyone fucking call each other a ‘ledge’? Is that meant to be representative of the meaning of Bill Withers’ ‘Lean on Me’?

I do not want to wear my g-ma’s best friend’s clothes for a hefty price because she is dead.

I don’t want to pretend to like Arctic Monkeys, attend their gigs, take photos on Instagram on my piePhone and post it to twitter and facebook for the INDIE CREDZZ because they are shit.

What the fuck is up with :3? It’s a ballsack with eyes, WHAT EMOTION IS THIS SUPPOSED TO CONVEY?

I wouldn’t be caught dead in a club because I can’t stand the sight of yoofs dancing to cuntish tripe.

I don’t want to take a ‘seductive’ photo of myself, post it to facebook and say “hoe em ghee, I’m so ugly L” and get 987 likes and a bunch of equally attention-seeking females telling me I’m “gorge bb”.

I don’t want to dance around like a slut in crystalised underwear and I don’t want to invest in the ‘dying’ cotton industry b/c a faux-twee shit tells me too.

I mean, I just want to listen to The Mats, Deer Tick, Cass McCombs and Dirty Projectors all day, everyday. I want to write for some dry, brilliantly underrated single-camera sitcom that will be cancelled after one season and then carry on with my unemployment watching more television and listening to more great music. I also want to make awesome, fuzzy mixtapes for everyone else like me and laugh at how the world doesn’t ‘get’ us.

I just want to live in a time where pretentiousness isn’t necessary, especially for a female to get by in life.

Can’t we all just chill the fuck out?

 p.s. buy Ben’s book, this was unpaid product placement courtesy of Sarah Sahim.

thanks sarah mate

sarah has a tumblr

sarah runs the blog 'damngoodshit'

sarah has twitter

i cant format blog posts

im sorry

guest post: lily dawn (hallo human persan)

The worst thing about winter holidays is that I don't have a family.

I used to have a very big family

but when my boyfriend and I broke up

he took his family with him

and now my old family belongs to another girl.

I wonder if they will give her the same type of gifts for christmas.

Today I walked past a store window downtown

decorated with a hundred beautiful artistic unique christmas tree ornaments

and started to cry.

I turned around

and went home.

I have been crying all day.

I keep thinking about how I don't have a family

and am completely alone in the world

without love.

I keep thinking of that Peter and Gordon song, "World Without Love."

I used to think it was really romantic,

but now I think it's really sad and depressing and makes me cry.

It's like I am living in that Four Tops tune, "It's The Same Old Song."

My cat Sanka spoons with me every night though so it's okay I guess.

I don't remember the last time I cried

but it's nice to know that I still have a soul,

somewhere inside me there is still a living soul.

I'm not a monster yet.

I have been on Celexa for over a month now for anxiety.

Friday I told the doctor that I still have frequent panic attacks.

I thought he would give me more xanax.

But instead I am no longer prescribed Celexa. Or xanax.

Now I am prescribed Prozac.

Tomorrow I start Prozac.

Prozac.

Prozac.

I'm not a monster yet.

lily has a blog

lily has a tumblr

lily has twitter

thanks lily mate

hi everyone

omg is this my actual hand

good morning persons. home suite home. i got back to london yesterday evening and then drank a beer and ate some foods with crispin and now i am at my desk and it is morning. the world is turnen i guess.

on the last day of den haag i think everyone was being fragile. we ate pea soup and then i walked to the hotel with francis. john boyne came into the hotel and said hellos. i said how i liked 'the boy in the striped pyjamas' and john said how he liked 'ed sheeran' so we went to watch ed sheeran play. then we watched the low anthem and i kept thinking 'if i vomit, where should i do it'. the cup i had in my hand was too small and had beer in it. i settled on 'into the hood of my hoodie' but then i didnt vomit anyway so w/e.

after that i had to read/answer questions on stage with anne roetman who had been translating my 'columns' into dutch. the interviewer asked if i liked it there and i said 'no i hate it and i want to go home'. i was worried about being sick still so i ran away to my hotel room after i read. that meant i missed peter and pola and sacha doing theirs which was sad but at least i didnt vomit on anyone.

in my hotel room i rewatched some 'between two ferns' for a while. at ~1.30am i decided to go to the 'afterparty'. there were big rooms and djs and things. people did dancing a lot. i think i tried to do dancing. at some point a male man started talking to us 'out of the blue' then i realised he was from newvillager and 'gushed' at him a bit. at ~4 we went back to the house of some nice dutch humans and had beers. i felt ill and walked back to the hotel. on the way i saw the humans from newvillager again and they were nice. i couldnt sleep at all so at ~7 i walked to the fake lake next to the dutch parliament and sat on a bench and stared at ducks. it was very foggy i couldnt see much. here is a picture of it out of google

i walked back to the hotel and still couldnt sleep. we had to meet in the hotel lobby at 10.30 to get the coach to antwerp. the coach was delayed by 2 hours via fog. when we got on it i was sat in front of adam levin. we discussed travel games we could play then we just played 'going to sleep'.

when we got to antwerp i went to my hotel room and fell asleep. i was woken up by a phonecall saying 'where is your column' again, so i wrote that, then slept more. at 9 i had to read before patrick wolf played. the audience were nice and did laughing. it seemed like a lot of people. then i had a beer and watched patrick wolf. on the last song he ran around the audience and danced with people and hugged them. what a keutie.

i went outside for a cigarette. some people asked me to sign books and i drew big wonky hearts on them. two boys from antwerp spoke to me and one said 'he came for patrick wolf and i came for you' and i thought 'that seems impossible'. they were being kind humans but i was not very good at talking via being tired. i wanted to watch more music but i just walked somewhere and bought a pizza and took it to my hotel room. it wasnt cut up and i didnt have cutlery so i tore it. they had english channels on tv. i watched 'im a celebrity get me out of here' and fell asleep. i had 2 very vivid dreams. in one i accidentally cut part of my penis off and got very anxious about it. in the other me and justin bieber became very good friends and then our relationship started to dissolve and i got very anxious about it.

there was a call at 6.15am from hotel reception and they said 'your driver to the airport is here'. i pushed lots of things into my bag and ran downstairs. on the drive, nickelback and the friends theme tune came on the radio and the driver turned them up. my flight wasnt for a long time. i ate a 'belgian breakfast' and wrote for a bit. i sat somewhere and looked at the planes and read. the people next to me on the plane were talking about xfactor. i tried to listen in to get 'up to date' with the hot gossip but i couldnt really understand.

feel like it sounds like i was complaining a lot about being ill/tired. actually it was lots fun. everyone was a bigheart and the places were pretty ettttttc. just maybe would have drank less on the first nights. guess i will try to write a new book now so they let me go again.

morning mug pic

humorous caption: my 3 favrit bands
serious caption: is it winter now

hope everyone is doing okay. remember to liv 2 the max btw. still people can do guestblogs if they want. think there are 2 guestblogs coming up. they will be very good btw. btw, is it okay to have a marmoset as a pet. okay byebye btw

guest post: lexie reed (hallo human persan)

yesterday i had to go to this picture company in the mall for a job interview! i did not feel nervous but i did not want to go inside either! i told my friend that i didn't want to go inside but he just looked at me and bit into a big cinnamon pretzel! i thought "hey, gimmie that pretzel!" but i just went inside instead! i could not remember the lady from the phone call's name, so i just walked toward a person and announced that i had an interview scheduled! the person whispered "oh yeah, i'll go get her, you can have a seat if you want to." i didn't want any of the seats, but i sat down in a small black chair anyways! it squeaked and i felt my face turn red because i felt overweight! i coughed very loudly in case the seat decided to squeak again while i crossed my legs! a lady with scarlet red highlights in her hair came out of an office and said "hi i am bonita! (boe-neat-uh) i thought, wow that is spanish for pretty and i need to stop focusing on her hair! we sat on a couch in the mall outside of the store where old folks sit when they are tired! one old folk had a little boy named andrew with him! i told bonita i liked kids a lot and said hi to andrew! bonita, andrew, and i sat on the couch and bonita joked that andrew could help me with my interview! i thought "i'm going to need your help, andrew," and he looked at me like he thought i needed his help! i answered questions! i laughed at jokes that may have not been jokes! i told andrew and bonita about my hamster and the little hamster croissants my mom bought for him to eat! i said bye to andrew and bonita said "i like you so i am going to hire you!" i resisted the urge to tell her that i am not a lez but that i would take the job! i filled out paper work! the person i walked at has a name and it is candy! i like candy the treat, but i do not know if i will like candy the person! i was holding my coat in both of my hands and felt self conscious but i kept holding it anyways! i am not excited about my job, really, but after all of that i bought a cinnamon pretzel and ate it on the carousel in the food court! that was fun!!! 

lexie reed is from texas
lexie reed has a tumblr
lexie reed has twitter
lexie reed has a wordpress


thanks lexie mate

den haag baby

hi werld. im in den haag out of the band 'the netherlands'. it is cold and different here. i am reading and writing for this music/literature festival. every morning i have to write something and send it in before 12.30 to be translated. yesterday i was woken up by a call at 1 saying 'where is your article'. here is the things me and other humans are doing at it.

yesterday i read before 'emmy the great'. when we were 'backstage' i tried to say something to her but she had headphones in and just shook her head at me. i thought, that is notnice mate.

lexie reed ('yelawolf's wife') will do a guestblog tomorrow. follow her on twitter guys. she is a winner imho.

after the readings and music we went to a bar and i talked to adam levin a while. he took a xanax or something and just drank tonic water because they didnt have vodka. it was nice. then we went back to francis' hotel room and i think i was being weird to everyone but i dont remember that much so it's fine. there were a lot of people and the hotel room was quite small. we drank 'wine mixed with orange juice' i think. is that 'bux fiz' kind of. not sure. it was fun.

a woman just said 'housekeeping' through the door and i said back 'guest' and she said 'housekeeping' again and i said 'i've been expecting you' and she said 'do you need service' and i said 'no' and now she's gone

here is a picture from google of den haag

also here is a picture of a female girl holding 'the instructions' by adam levin. you should read it. it is one of the best books in the werld.

she hated it baby

there are piles of books by the festival bar. yesterday i said to a female 'is this where i pay' and she said 'haha no but give me money if you want' then she said 'buy my book' and i said 'i will my your book if you buy mine'. so we did that. except her book is in dutch so i cant read it. also it was more expensive than mine. what a terrible deal.

the back cover is just a really big picture of her face. i carried it into the toilet and someone stared at me and i thought 'no, absolutely not'.

feel like that pic has macro potential
'the pic that spawned a thousand macros'
hi

okay. going to just walk around the hotel room for a while. i like it here. i would live in this hotel room maybe. might try and turn the television on. 'hit me up' if you're around here i guess

also email if you want to do a guestblog
i will say yes
brooksben at hotmail dawt co dawt uk

the kind of apple i am eating is called a 'jazz apple'

good morning. it's about 8am. i couldnt sleep at all last night so this morning at ~7 i walked up to the park. i sat on a bench and had a cigarette. some people who were walking their dogs said 'good morning' to me and i said 'good morning' to them while thinking 'yeah bb, im doing it' re living. it was cold and a little foggy. my hands went a bit blue and i looked at them and thought 'haha nice hands you twerp'.

seems like i have a piece of 'jazz apple' stuck between my teeth. just stood in front of the mirror and tried to get it out. kind of worried that it's going to be there forever now. not sure what my 'plan of action' will be re getting it out. not exactly sure which two teeth it is between. kind of worried that im going to get upset and rip my teeth out.

photo of the day:

humorous caption: hello sailor
serious caption: really getting upset about this piece of 'jazz apple'

when i checked the guardian this morning, it said this (not sure if it's funny but w/e):

probably wont be able to really do anything until this 'jazz apple' goes away. i dont know why i ate an apple even. seems totally stupid now. my jaw hurts from opening it wide.

was going to type about other things but now feel only concerned with this bit of 'jazz apple'

'jazz apple'

jesus

i found this picture on the internet of a human female reading grow up. it was part of a flickr set of her holiday in paris. hope you had a nice time mate.

omar de col is very good at blogs. i guess he is the prince of the november blog revival. 'full steam ahead' you guys. let's all do more posts. hold my hand pls.

jackson's been blogging over here too. feel not far away from humans when i read his blog. feels very good. not sure if it is a real secret. i like the url. topical.

going to go brush my teeth really hard for a while

going to start adding labels to posts i guess

nightnight persons

*update* tried to swill water through my teeth to get it out and ended up just spitting water on my feet *update*

*update* brushed my teeth really hard and my gums are bleeding and feels like the piece of 'jazz apple' is only part gone *update*

*update* seems to have gone *update*

back wen i was rappen 4 the hel of it

good morning. today i woke up at like 8. i go to den haag in 3 days to read and write at this festival. im excited for it. other things im excited for:

-feeling tired tonight
-getting to a point in my life where i have a beard
-having a 'near death experience' where i see a sexy angel and then start being jewish
-watching a rom com tonight instead of doing things that i should be doing
-paul rudd

hi everyone. it's me, yelawolf, doing a guest sentence (or threehahalol) on this hot blog. anyone up for a party tonight? let's cut the sleeves off our tshirts and kiss each uvver.

just googled 'how do i make my hair like yelawolf' but nothing good came up.

drank an isotonic sports drink today. i think i could sea my breath tdai. seemed exciting. welcome home winter. i just want to sleep until my hair is white and not there anymore. i just wanna party.

picture of the day

humorous caption: mugshot
serious caption: i cut my fingernails 3 days ago

i think i am 'out of shape'. i think i should 'get into shape'. it is weird thinking about body shapes. what body shape do i have. i wish i had the body shape 'polar bear'.

*regular feature* cut and paste in a tweet i can see while im doing in the blogpost *regular feature*

JodieJaaade Bambi 

Mum: 'why are you being so smart?!' ...yay. I'm being smart. :3

yelawolf says that if you shake up gadsden alabama then meth falls out. i dont know anything about that. i know a little bit about murakami and a little bit about antarctica. in an interview someone asked lana del rey why video games got so popular. she said 'i know a lot of things, but i dont know that'. i dont think i know a lot of things. 

we had two humans from kentucky staying for a couple of days. they were very nice. they had a farm and were engaged. we got drunk and talked about things. on the last day we played knuckles. that is where you take turns sliding a coin at each uvvers knuckles. the person who loses is the person who gives up. at the end, jacob's knuckles were very bloody and mine only had a bit of blood on. the table we played on got quite bloody. i am going to try to make people play knuckles with me in den haag. 

nightnight yelawolf

nightnight lana

nightnight job out of the bible

nightnight person

put a penguin on it

good morning. today i woke up at 8 and ate porridge. it was the first time i have woken up that early for lots and the first time i have really eaten breakfast in maybe a year or something, except for when we were on holiday in france and we ate in the hotel gardens and i didnt feel sick. 

alice may connolly did 'happiness plans' for people and they were very good and she drew me a picture of a narwhal wearing 'nike dunks' and reading 'erotic narwhal fiction'. 

an american proof came today. grow up has a penguin on it now. they changed the quote on the cover to dennis cooper. a while ago i was drunk and facebookchatted dennis and was weird to him maybe. oh dear. 

also they send me a copy of the manuscript with notes on it. like they changed the word 'bonnet' to 'hood'. there were lists of things like characters names and place names and references. here is a page of them

just saw the word 'hungry horse' on that. it is a pub where they serve food on big plates. in junior school once a boy left because his parents went to open a 'hungry horse' somewhere. he told everyone they could come and get free food and no one did because he was weird. 

*regular feature* a tweet i can see while i am doing the blog post *regular feature*

crispin best 

R.I.P any sandwich you just ate

to do list: anything

i read something on the internet about how eating breakfast makes you happier. yesterday in the bath i shampooed my hair twice and read james frey. what if after the rain there is just more rain bb. 

here is the german copy of grow up. title means 'we grow up at night'. not sure if i posted this before. feel tired. 

was going to post the spanish one but cant find it. time to do blogs errybody. nightnight

any persan halp me

good morning. i missed two days of doing posts. revival seems to be 'plowing on' though. via everyone. congratulations, we are all here right now and it is raining. also, congratulations on your new pet marmoset (just add water).

on sunday me and crispin and socrates went on a train to brighton to read at 'any person halp me' which is done by laurens verdonkschot, giles ruffer, and vicki tingle. mark stevenson and his friend will came from wigan. it was a lot of fun. i laughed and forgot about feeling ill. jacob steinberg read via skype. everyone read things. they did an 'open mic' and some pretty intense humans read some pretty intense poems. after them me and giles read a story by crispin and i did an 'improvised knife crime slam poem' which maybe seemed like it was just being mean about other humans who had read but wasnt much. felt positive about the things people read and the way they sounded while they were reading them. mark was quite ill from being blindo. afterwards we walked to laurens' house and watched episodes of the simpsons. crispin hit a drum and sang lion king for a bit.

in the morning me and crispin and mark and will went and stood on the beach. it was just pebbles and everything was grey. it was just like 'neverending greyness' which seemed sad a little but also nice. my shoes got wet because the water touched them. i wasnt wearing socks. a dog came up to me and dropped a tennis ball and i threw the tennis ball and it ran after it. classic dog behaviour or something.

humorous caption: hi, it's me, crispin, from the gym

when we got back to london mark got a fine for not having a railcard when he had a railcard ticket. we hugged and him and will went to catch their megabus back to wigan. i got a train home and had a shower then got a train to give aurist some los campesinos tickets for that night which i wouldnt be using. from there i got another train to soho and we went to a screening of socrates/chris killen/joe stretch/other human people s film. it was very good but i was very tired. peter bloxham was there being a nice guy. giles came over from brighton. i wasnt speaking very well because of wanting to be in a bed. we ate at wong kei and it was raining and i went home.

feel like everything i just typed was boring maybe. sorry everyone. a good catchphrase is 'not this time'. going to try and do writing again. when i start thinking 'the things you are thinking right now are stupid' then i am going to sit down and write for a bit until i stop thinking that.

i know i owe people books and cant send them at the moment via money so sorry.

there is 'milkybar ice cream' in our fridge i think. might go upstairs and eat some. it is 4.53am. i woke up at 2am maybe. going to watch 'frozen planet' again. the narwhals seem awkward to me. i like them. there's a part where two teams are swimming towards each other and then they stop and stare at each other for ages and then all start swimming in the same direction. their tusks seem sad.

nightnight

life is what happens when you are asleep (halping hands by holding them #3 katekkkkk)

day #4 bb. running a little late. it is nighttime. i cooked some kind of soup and it tasted okay i think. it had carrots and peas in. drinking beers. being alive.

today when i woke up it was already dark. i dont know why. seems suspicious.

daily picture of human:

caption: today i am wearing you like a wetsuit

today i googled 'british antarctica survey jobs'. i am not an engineer. i am not a scientist. my hands are small and i sleep a lot. i still think about it though. i imagine waking up and going outside for a cigarette and everything being like 'endless snow' or something. seems good. i dont know if that's more depressing than waking up and being on a hill where you can see london 'skyscrapers' from. both of them are probably good when the sun is fainting.

where do people want to live. woods and sea seems good. they are both 'up for grabs' i guess.

going to brighton on sunday to read with other positive life living humans. if you are there then say this password: 'hewmungus', to me, and i will ask you about your life and then give you a 'verbal map' to 'lifelong happiness'.

today i went to sainsburys and stared at a wall of wine for a long time. had vague thoughts about a lot of things. wanted to lie down and rub my face against the lino. didnt do that. there were a lot of people in sainsburys. a lot of them were excited students. wanted to pick up ~9loaves of bread and try to walk out. didnt do that. planned to say 'i have a family to feed'. planned to run quickly and cry loudly so they let me off.

i think i might not be able to do blogposts tomorrow/sunday. i am going to try. the november blog revival is in 'full swing'. swell the ranks gaylords. type anything.

halping hands by holding them #3 kate a human

kate used to have a tumblr called milktrees. it was followed by a lot of people i think. it got closed down because of dead animals and stuff. now she has a twitter and a blogger and a tumblr. i think i have asked her 'repeatedly' to write a book or something. i hope she does.

 me:  okay

hi kate

 Katherine:  hi benjamin

 me:  please describe your mood using colours and foods

 Katherine:  ok i would have some cous cous but plain cous cous not the lemon and coriander one and an old apple thats gone soft and im black like oil slicks

 me:  sounds tasty maybe. i think for the rest of the interview i will ask you questions from 'faq' sections of websites about ghosts and the afterlife. is that okay

 Katherine:  ok

 me:  How can I tell if I am a ghost?

 Katherine:  you will be able to live in the internet and cockroaches will like to sleep in you

 me:  Will I like living in the afterlife?

 Katherine:  yes you will have a nice kitchenette and a garden with a swing

 me:  that sounds pleasant. you have 'put my mind at rest'.

Where do other animals, like dogs and tigers, exist after they leave the physical world?

 Katherine:  i think maybe they get recycled into soft toys dogs live forever

god lets the best ones come to live with him in the ocean

 me:  Can a ghost follow me home?

 Katherine:  yes every person has at least 17 ghosts with them at once

 me:  Can a ghost physically hurt me?

 Katherine:  yes with ghost knives but they dont hurt

 me:  'phew'. Can I talk to a ghost? Will it talk back to me?

 Katherine:  you can talk to them but they cant hear you and ghosts talk back but in the same way theyre real lonely

only plants can hear them

 me:  How can I connect with the fairies?

 Katherine:  go to the forest and cover yourself in honey and roll around in the dirt then u have to stay there for 2-5 weeks and they invite you to their houses

 me:  Do you sell ghost tshirts?

 Katherine:  yes 100% real ghost ectoplasm

 me:  thanks for letting me interview you kate mate

 Katherine:  thats ok benjamin

happy everything everyone

imagine if your heart was a rucksack (halping hands by holding them #2 omar de col)

it is day #3 of this hot new life. it is eveningtime. it was raining a lot this evening. i went for a walk. i like doing walking in the rain because things seem better maybe. if i look at a bike when it is not raining then i think 'that is just a bike, depressing' but if i look at a bike when it is raining then i think 'that is a bike, with water dripping off it, excellent'.

on the walk a sad looking man asked me which direction the thames was in. i said i didnt know. i thought 'is he going to jump into it' but he was wearing all waterproof clothes so i thought maybe not. 

photo of my bod 4 the day:

caption: i will never break your legs because my body is too small

last night me and crispin went to a poetry thing in a library. everyone was drinking red wine. one of the people reading said 'i wont read this one, it's racist', and another one of the humans who was reading earnestly said 'it's okay, everyone here is over 16'. it seemed like a weird night or something. 

now i am staring at my computer waiting for crispin to get home from work so i can interview him.

this video is very good

there's a new david attenborough thing called 'frozen planet'. it makes me think about the first book i had, 'heroes of polar exploration'. i used to read it a lot. like every night maybe. i didnt like the end chapters. there were machines in the end chapters. i liked the first ones. thinking about captain scott makes me sad. how when he reached the south pole amundsen had got there first and then on the way home he died. i used to draw maps of antarctica on everything and tell everyone that i was going to go there. i used to like imagining being sat alone in a small tent at the south pole. 

i still have the book. here is a bit from it i like:

'Dust had not returned to dust in the eternal cold of the graveyards. The dead vikings slept holding their crosses in folded hands; their clothing of shaggy woollen lay in the same creases as on the day of the burial. Their well preserved bodies were gnomelike, undersized, with bones bent from rickets and other deficiency diseases.

           Examination of these bodies revealed that few vikings had lived beyond their early twenties. Undernourished after many years of insufficient food, Greenland's once vigorous settlers had become stunted dwarfs. One explanation for this is that as Greenland's trade with europe was beginning to slacken, her climate coincidentally was undergoing a change. Gradually the cold became more and more severe. Pastures no longer grew tall grass, and the thinnings herds of cattle soon could not supply all the food the settlements needed. A slow process of malnutrition finally destroyed an entire civilisation.'

cosebelle did a very nice review of the italian grow up. 

'Element is not negligible, the writing of Ben is a river in flood, that will overwhelm the freshness of the clever deconstruction of the concepts and vocabulary, with surreal irony that draws a smile on his face even more melancholy, and wisdom, wisdom then you lose a kid who by years, wisdom amazed that leaps out of the commonplace, that challenges the conventional wisdom and is able to surprise and captivate like to know who he was until recently only child.'


how kind bb!

halping hands by holding them #2 omar de col:

omar is a young human from one of 'the mouths' in england. he runs this blog and joined the november blog revival with this great post.

 kellyhuckabyyy:  is ur shit together

ask me my opinion on current events or something

 me:  okay

hi omar

 kellyhuckabyyy:  lol

hi ben

 me:  the first few questions i am going to ask you are going to be questions that have been asked to linkin park in interviews

 kellyhuckabyyy:  lol sweet

 me:  Where are you? They told me that you would be calling from the RV travelling across the country.

 kellyhuckabyyy:  i am in the south of england on the second floor of a two story house the is moving because the world is spinning so its like an RV but with a fridge i guess also i am infront of my laptop

that*

shit

 me:  So, is everybody healthy?

 kellyhuckabyyy:  ye i guess so

we are all still more than zero and less than two ppl

 me:  I heard also that you guys are going to be going out with Papa Roach in December.

 kellyhuckabyyy:  lol jsz

papa roach's office christmas party ye its gonna be off the railings

 me:  So Linkin Park isn't named after anything?

 kellyhuckabyyy:  ye i heard it wot park they played in the first time

 me:  okay. that's enough of those.

 kellyhuckabyyy:  those were good

good journalism

 me:  now i am going to ask you a question that i was asked a few days ago

Recent events such as the London riots, the global recession and Middle Eastern revolutions have indicated that civilisation is undergoing an accelerating transformation. Why do you think this is the case?

 Sent at 9:22 PM on Thursday

 kellyhuckabyyy:  yo my browser crashed soz

 me:  that's okay

did you get that question

 kellyhuckabyyy:  ye i did

i am going to answer it

 me:  good

(twerp)

 Sent at 9:24 PM on Thursday

 kellyhuckabyyy:  hm

lol

riots seem funny, not sure what they achieve, keep thinking 'white ppls problems' RE the london riots, middle east is maybe because ppl got sick of the heat i guess

feel unsure about the word 'civilization'

and 'accelerating transformation'

wait

im not done

lol

 me:  here we go

 kellyhuckabyyy:  WAIT

hm

 Sent at 9:28 PM on Thursday

 kellyhuckabyyy:  feel like things like this in history happen a lot and in 15 years no one will care and these will just be wikipedia entries ppl will use to write essays for school and find sweet references

keep thinking abt the butterfly effect

the movie with ashton kutcher

 me:  you and those bloody butterflies

 kellyhuckabyyy:  feel like that movie will have more of an impact on society tbh

i think 'clueless' was maybe more important that the riots

okay that is all i can think

 me:  lol

how do you feel about the humans in london who are 'camped' outside of st pauls because other people in the world have more money than them or something

 kellyhuckabyyy:  keep thinking 'white ppls problems'

not sure

 Sent at 9:31 PM on Thursday

 kellyhuckabyyy:  i think when i hear ppl say variations of 'fuck capitalism' they aren't sure what they are talking about, and the word 'capitalism' is a word that ppl under 25 think is bad so they are like 'ye fuck capitalism' and make friends with other ppl under 25 and have parties where they say 'fuck capitalism' to each other

(when you said ppl camped outside st pauls i assume there are a lot of placards that say 'fuck capitalism' on them)

 me:  i think the placards say like '$=dickheads' and stuff

 kellyhuckabyyy:  lol

 me:  if you had to make a placard that showed your 'outlook on life' what would it say

 kellyhuckabyyy:  maybe like 'alive 4 life' or something

ben

i think i would find this easier if you emailed me questions or something

also i have to go smoke

 me:  omar this is going great

calm down

 kellyhuckabyyy:  haha

okay

wait lemme smoke

brb

 me:  it's almost 'a wrap'

 Sent at 9:37 PM on Thursday

 kellyhuckabyyy:  sweet

sry for ruining your evening

 me:  you are making my evening

 kellyhuckabyyy:  haha

self esteem +1

 me:  is there anything you have particularly strong views on at the moment omar

 kellyhuckabyyy:  yea

i signed a petition on avaz.org about a month ago

that was like

'save the bluefin tuna'

because i was rly into tuna are that point

but now they keep emailing me links to other petitions

and tbh i only care abt tuna

and i feel strongly that they shouldnt email me

but i kinda like getting emails and feeling strongly about something

so i haven't unsubscribed from it

so i don't even know what i am or who is this

 me:  when was the last time you did a tear from your eye

 Sent at 9:47 PM on Thursday

 kellyhuckabyyy:  about two weeks ago i cried a lot one night due to [various family dramas]

i only cry about once a year i thin

k

 me:  im sorry to hear that

what sound do you make when you cry

i am being probing. i am louis theroux.

 kellyhuckabyyy:  haha

i think when i cry i sound like i am laughing

i hiccup as well

my skin goes from yellow to reddish yellow

like a peach

 me:  that was beautiful

thankyou for being interview by me omar

 kellyhuckabyyy:  haha

its ok

thank you for interviewering me ben

feel rly hot in my jumper but feel too lazy to take it off

fact fans: i have learned how to not have the times next to all the questions. the words are still a bit to the right now though. 

now the words are on the left again. this is unbelievable. have fun eaten ur foods erryboddy. merry christmiss